A gift from another "Santa Claus"

“Please blog about your favorite holiday …” That was as far as I read before the mental gag reflex kicked in. “How about my most Unfavorite holiday?” “The blight that decends each winter.” “The one that ruins my favorite season for a few weeks each year!”

After that purge of building bile and venom, I actually finished reading the email message and calmed down; considerably. I can empathize with Ebeneezer Scrooge. Whether his disdain for the Season of Expense and sudden gushing of emotions hidden the rest of the year was for the same reasons as my own, is of no matter.

And yet ….. sometimes ….. even those of us so alienated by this annual tsunami of mercantile fury in the guise of a faith, unbelievably not shared by all, can appreciate a very special gift of the season.

True peace, quiet, and the splendor of creation can be experienced this time of year.

A wise man, ironically the unknown twin of Santa Claus, gave me this one cold December.

I was dating the living vision of the commercial, traditional, Santa Claus. Even without a red suit, and in the middle of July heat waves, it was not uncommon for strangers to comment on how much he looked like the jolly old soul. He would be polite and smile, but as he would thank the person you could see the aggravation in his eyes, cringing behind his spectacles.

Having no family anymore, his Christmas celebrations tended to be lonely, broken only by office parties and parties at friends earlier in December, so I had invited him to my cousin’s annual gathering on Christmas Eve. It was a party I enjoyed as the regular family renunion. He accepted, but I knew it was only because there was no acceptable way for him to decline.

A few days later, he added to the plan. From the party, we would go on a road trip. A great excuse for not visiting anyone on Christmas Day! Then on the 23rd of December, with my bags already packed, we agreed that with an earlier start we would have more time at our destination. I gave my regrets to the extended family and we headed out.

As the sun set on Christmas Eve the mild temperature began to dip into a cooler range and made me hope for snow as we watched the clouds cross the multi-colored sky. It was far more facinating than my neighbors’ blinking wire reindeer.

I awoke Christmas morning to a dry, but frigid, sunrise over the Chisos Mountains in Big Bend National Park. The songs of wild birds are so much more inspiring than carols. Though some would have disliked the cold (about 20 F), it brought back my childhood in England and the awe of winters there. It was a truly wonderful celebration in the beauty of nature. We even shared our Christmas feast with the havelina that had become accustomed to people and came like a wayward band of waifs begging for figgy pudding.

It has been more than a decade since we were two geeks without our electronics, enjoying a Christmas without the litter of TV commercials and internet spam! I have become a far more cynical curmudgeon when it comes to the subject of religious holidays. But this memory reminds me that there really is something of worth to be found beneath the sludge of what Christmas has become for far too many people.

I just observed a coworker go to three times the effort necessary to produce a document simply because of overblown pride and stubbornness; refusing to ask for, or even accept, help of those whose purpose in being present is to perform, or at least assist, with such tasks, Rather than utter one sentence to someone who is apparently disliked, time, effort and the office resources were wasted, to produce something that was, as a result, substandard.

Though part of me is amazed at the stupidity involved, another part is reminded of how pig-headed I too can be and how truly foolish that is at times.

Why is it that we humans have such a great propensity to “cut off our nose to spite our face”? What is it that drives us to stand our ground when the overwhelming majority is against us and the issue at hand is of little or no consequence? Is it this same obstinacy that binds our legal system to value precedence over common sense when society has evolved beyond the concerns of those who created the precedence?

Sometimes one has to face the reality that when we are being intractable on an issue and citing “principle”, we are really just unwilling to change or accept that while something may not be ideal, it causes no real harm in the long run and is the best way to peacefully coexist with the other unyielding members of our species.

Now, do I give up and drive in defiance of the parking lot’s One Way signs like so many others? Or do I continue to follow the ill-planned rules, and foul my mood twice daily as I slam on the brakes in the face of oncoming drivers who stubbornly refuse to change their own habits?

Favorite Authors

Dear Best Friends,

You know how I revere your works. And I know I am far from alone in my admiration, for you are the idols of us bookworms, but for once I am writing to you, instead of because of you.

Attempting to choose one of you as the one to whom I am most connected brings pangs of guilt for those not named. No matter who I might choose, I know the rest of you will speak up to question my reasoning.

“As if there is another whose words you quote; whose words banished adolescent thoughts of suicide,” comes Mrs. Parker’s reproach. Of course, Dorothy, I owe you much and someday I may still write your poem on my bedroom ceiling.

On my bookshelf, out of reach of careless hands, is the all to well worn first book I ever read. Though I could not have told you her name without looking it up, Allison Uttley’s images of little Fuzzypeg and his holey blue smock are a fresh in my mind as they were in 1957

Honore, do you think Mrs. Uttley’s tale of Fuzzypeg’s being led astray from school would have held attention on the Decameron? The shift in tone would almost reflect the shift I made from child to adult – abrupt - but the theme and personalities remain the same.

Monsieur De Maupassant, knowing the mere mention of dear Balzac piques your interest, would you favor us with a treatment of the story, changing the characters to people of La Belle Epoque? Or do you think one of your short stories already tells this tale?

Then, while your stories merge in my memories, another voice, more current , grows louder.

“The spirit of my words inspire your daily discourse with my countrymen and our symbols look down over you each morning and night from your caligraphy. Would you place poems and little stories you rarely, if ever, read twice before the inspiration my disclosures have given since the first paragraph of mine you read?”

I know you will forgive my dwelling in a bit of revelry, Jung Chang. As you say, I cannot turn my back on the quest for truth that you and Irwin Tang have set me on, nor still my voice that you so often bring to life. Thank you for giving expression and facts to what I somehow already understood, and for leading me to so many others whose words need to be known.

Getting Old?

Just like everything having a downside to it, everything has an upside to it. Do we call them “up” and “down” sides by accident or is it because it’s so easy to fall “down” and harder to climb “up”? Think about it. At least for a lot of us it’s much easier to realize the downside of a good situation, sometime presaged by the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling, than to surface from the quicksand of a bad one to find the upside.

Growing old – good or bad?

Yep, there’s a laundry list for you. If you are over 40, I bet you were already naming the problems in your head before you read this sentence. Come on, if you are reading this after a long day (week?) at work, or while killing time waiting somewhere (doctor’s office?); you know your head filled with a seemingly endless stream of “issues”. Top of my list? (Or is it the bottom, if it’s the worst of the worst?) It’s a tossup between realizing I cannot physically do some of things I did 20 years ago, and dealing with people who think I can’t, or won’t, do those that are still possible for me. No, I don’t power lift stage equipment anymore. Nor do I really want to. Yes, I can dance till dawn ….. Are you a good enough partner to keep up? But why waste energy dwelling on this side of the ledger? There are plenty of people to do that for all of us.

The first good things about getting older that come to my mind are perhaps a bit vindictive. I get to deny my younger friends the excuse of “I’m getting too old…” when they don’t want to do something. It’s definitely one of my favorite moments, when I can turn “that look” on them with a resounding “You’re what?” And having justification for a bit of spite is another one of those benefits that comes with time, too.

Being on the lower end of the slope to 60, I have recently discovered that if I don’t want to dress up, put on make-up, and fix my hair to go to the local Wal-Mart, its ok. There is not a high probability that I am going to miss catching Mr. Right’s attention even if I looked my best, because he’s probably looking for a less worldly 20-something. It’s kinda freeing to take a quick shower, throw on jeans, a blouse and a hat, and hop in the car – no muss, no fuss. Which brings me to one of my not so infrequent delights of age.

Sporting seriously silvery white roots, except for one contrary dark forelock, and driving a typical unassuming, common, dull, adult sort of sedan, I find myself chuckling when the kid in the next car is looking around mystified as to where the J-Rock is blasting from. It just couldn’t be that “old lady”. The same goes for the young stud who floors it to pass me if I am only doing the speed limit because I saw the cop ahead that he didn’t. I got my share of speeding tickets years ago, before my Daddy stopped paying my insurance.

I have also found that if I voice my disagreement with clerks, salesmen, and various other people “serving” the public, they are either so stunned that I didn’t just go along with them, or scared of looking like they are mistreating an older person, that they tend to listen better than they did when I was younger. I don't usually have to point out to them that I earned this gray hair and it is not blonde. Of course, depending on the cultural environment you are in, it could conceivably be out of respect for their elders, but not where I come from.

Then there are the more comforting and amenable perks of age, especially when you keep friends half your age. Young men, who often forget their manners, except on formal occasions, actually pull out my chair when we are being seated, see that my order is taken and my drink kept filled, and treat me with deference to other younger women in conversation. Along with this preferential treatment there is rarely the implied demand for reciprocal favors that were always part of the exchange years ago. Though that is a two sided coin, because sometimes I feel more appreciation than a smile or hug conveys. (sigh) Sometimes I miss the days when there were more eligible bachelors for me, but then I crawl into my nice big bed where no one snores or hogs the sheets and drift off to sleep smiling. And no guy can tell me he actually enjoys sharing a bed on a regular basis where he can’t sprawl as he wants without being kicked.

Stupak Stupidity

There are those who are accuse Deomcratic Representative Bart Stupak of Michigan of turning Republican after putting forth the short sighted and discriminatory anti-women’s rights amendment to the health care bill. I disagree. No competent Republican would endorse a bill that would result in such a fiscal time bomb.

Rep. Stupak, you need to reconsider the financial impact of your “cost saving” measure to the health care industry, existing welfare programs and the tax payers, you claim to be protecting. You have failed to consider the costs on society of a single parent and children born into households already unable to afford minimal health care and other necessities of life.

Yes, this would save the government the expense of pre-op examinations, the surgical procedure itself and doctor’s fee for possibly an office check-up afterward. I have heard this could amount to about almost $2000.00 which I, and many single women, could ill afford. So your plan would work in establishing a financial deterrent to abortion. Which you have to admit is the real reason for your drafting this amendment, rather than any real issue over the cost to the government or tax payers.

The result of your success will be the classic unwed mother and her unwanted child living on welfare because someone who cannot afford $2000 for an abortion certainly cannot afford to feed, clothe and properly care for a child. So it is the government and the tax payers who will make up the deficit.

We will pay for months of pre-natal health care, the cost of the delivery, the post delivery stay in the hospital though various governmental assistance programs. This alone far exceeds the cost of the abortion.

We will pay for the child’s pediatric care.

We will pay for the either the mother to go on welfare to provide day care for the child, or we will subsidize the day care she finds.

We will pay for these unwanted children with higher demands on agencies dealing with abandoned and abused children.

We will pay for the higher demand on already scarce resources for indigent families.

We will pay for the already crippling demand for emergency care for these who will be left with no other choice.

Your amendment is simply another way to further penalize the economically challenged. Those in your tax bracket will not be deterred from abortion because they can afford to hire such services.

Your amendment is simply another way to further penalize the women of this country, who continue to be the ones who bear the burden of pregnancy and child birth when there is not a second parent taking responsibility.

HUSH!

Today is my day for people to irritate the fire out of me. I have been awake just over 9 hours and already wanted to seriously “educate” eight people. For some people this might not seem to bad. At least it’s not quite a rate of one an hour – YET! But I have only spent one hour in contact with the public, so this does not bode well for the rest of the day, that in two hours will resume with public contact.

Even though only two people are guilty repeatedly ruining my mornings (and those of several others), the offense committed by all eight today are essentially the same; thus my finally venting my irritation here.

If you think that because your personal life is not open to those of us around you, do not think for even one self-absorbed moment that your obliviousness does not affect us. Your actions affect everyone in your vacinity to some extent. And when you are inconsiderate of this fact, we grow to despise you. Not only are last night’s activities none of our business, we do not want to hear about them when you give your daily oral dissertation to the person next to you on the train or bus. There is no need to expound in a voice that can be heard over the ambient noise of public transit and quieter conversations of the other 30 passengers in your vicinity.

A child’s misbehavior is something we all accept as inevitable at some point. Small children are known to be loud and tempermental from time to time. But a crying, stomping, temper tantrum every 48 hours or so is not. And none of us volunteered to endure your child reaering issues. Some people appreciate efforts to explain to a child that they should behave better, but at some point an unruly 3 year old needs something they understand better than adult logic. The only thing worse than the screaming brat, is the ineffective parent who cannot control them. Perhaps if you use the vocal authority and force of the person previously described, you could delay a judiciously timed spanking. Whichever method you choose, just either take control or remove the child from the area. We do not appreciate the disruption of both our mood and our schedule, as we delay while you attempt to persuade someone who seems to be more resolute than you to have their way.

Music is something I love and good vocalist is to be admired. But singing to your self in a public area has its price. If you are listening to your iPod, do you realize how far off key you are? If you are not listening to your favorite recording, have you notice people staring as if you are crazy? And if you are leading an impromptu choir, please take it to your local church, that I choose not to attend. I paid for a train ticket, not a gospel concert.

For those of you who think we all share your tastes in entertainment, you are wrong. If your car stereo is vibrating the vehicle next to you, it is too loud. The content and style that you choose to destroy every last semblance of hearing with is irrelevant. When another person feels it before they hear it, you are a public nuisanace. And if its commercials and talk radio, I have a personal vendetta in mind for you. If were are listening to your earbubs from across the aisle, don’t you dare expect my tax dollars to underwrite your hearing aids that will eventually replace them.

Easier to understand, but just as aggravating, are coworkers who shout back and forth, thinking themselves as more productive and promoting a friendly, inclusive atmosphere. Well, if you are the one having to answer phones or focus on something different from the carousing group, it’s a problem. It’s a problem because callers hearing the background noise may not understand. It’s a problem if callers have to repeat themselves when they cannot be heard over the phone. And it’s a problem because as it disrupts the concentration of other workers, it adds a sense of their being left out of the group, too.

Yes, I am complaining about noise pollution; pollution at a level that individuals can address. And for those of you who don’t know, I am not a quiet person who wishes the world was as quiet a library. I play drums; I sing at the top of my lungs; my speaking voice has been known to resonate of the far walls of auditoriums. But there times and places for these things, and they are not on public transit or in your average business office.