Whether it is a mild case of ADD or just too many interests to stay focused, switching between interests has been a double-edged sword from my earliest memories. The scenario usually goes something like this. Something catches my attention and I have to know everything possible about it yesterday. Of course this impossible, but I dive in headfirst and plow through everything I can until my version of reality sinks in. Either I do not have the resources (financial, free time, physical stamina, or skill) to continue, or I finally face that my goal is incredibly unrealistic. I scale back my efforts and eventually the quest becomes a memory. Or, as with ADD, something equally intriguing surfaces and the ever-hopeful seeker goes off on this new tangent. The original interests either fall by the wayside or mutates into something that blends with the new exploration.
Either way the results tend to be consistent. A basic understanding of the new subject is added to the rest of the Trivial Pursuit answers stockpile in my biological RAM. An appreciation for those well versed on the subject of the moment is added to the “good guys – might want to meet someday” list. A mosh pit arranged pile of papers, notes, books and other data is added to the ever-growing pile of crap I will someday have to move, even though I can rarely find any item I go looking for later from this pile. And most imposingly, this unattained grail is added to all the others I will someday resume my journey to find when I am old and have nothing better to do (as if I will ever be able to retire?). Stockpiling against future boredom!
Some of this is good – knowledge gained, even if incomplete. Some of this is bad – a pack rat’s paper heaven!
Such has been the fate of my studies of music, language, theology, sports, and many other fields. The debris of instruments, dictionaries, iconography, toys, notebooks and file folders litters my surroundings like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumb trail through the forest. If I follow it, I will retrace old paths, but it is more likely the debris will wear away over time leaving spaces to be filled in only by having to choose another unmarked direction.
What is the growing smirk for? Well, considering all this, I wonder what those paths I have walked to the end of say about me. For there are those expeditions into unknown territories that I managed to pursue to their final destination (at least final as far as I am concerned), before allowing the sparkle of a new idea to distract my magpie sight. If you have read this far, I suppose you are wondering just what strange lands those journeys crossed and where they saw their finish. Or maybe if you have seen my library and talked with me at length, you have seen a map of where I have been and maybe even learned the why and how. But I doubt that even you know what rewards awaited the journeys’ conclusions, because years later I am still finding new ones once in a while. Mostly the rewards were confidence replacing ignorance, and even fear at times, and indelible memories of experiences that others only read about in books.
But future blogs will disclose the details of a few.
6 Jan 2009
12 Dec 2008
They're baaaaaaack..........
In 1990 I had more PCs than people in my house and spent WAY too much time online moderating forums, running my own BBS (for you youngsters those were the local networks that preceded the web) and being a regular poster on the (all text) internet. Fortunately, I also had a geek for husband who spent even more time in front of keyboards and monitors than I did.
Eventually, real life commitments, need for sleep and lack of finances weaned me away from uber-geekdom. And life was good.
But slowly the insidious web of connections crept back into my life. A static web site, turned into an interactive one. I tamed that monster, which once again is hibernating, only to be lured into the clutches of MeetUp and Yelp. If that was not enough contagion, I then succumbed to the infectious MySpace, Blogspot, countless personal web pages and forum, and finally the great time consumer, Facebook. Now, not only do I again have more computers at home than people, I even have their offspring invisibly leashed to me - the smart phone. Of course it is SMART; smarter than me. How else would it have insinuated itself so deeply into my existence?!
I used to fear becoming the old lady surrounded by cats. No more. I think it is more likely to be mechanized beings with AI that I will be surrounded with; strangling me with wiring instead of choking to death on feline fur.
Eventually, real life commitments, need for sleep and lack of finances weaned me away from uber-geekdom. And life was good.
But slowly the insidious web of connections crept back into my life. A static web site, turned into an interactive one. I tamed that monster, which once again is hibernating, only to be lured into the clutches of MeetUp and Yelp. If that was not enough contagion, I then succumbed to the infectious MySpace, Blogspot, countless personal web pages and forum, and finally the great time consumer, Facebook. Now, not only do I again have more computers at home than people, I even have their offspring invisibly leashed to me - the smart phone. Of course it is SMART; smarter than me. How else would it have insinuated itself so deeply into my existence?!
I used to fear becoming the old lady surrounded by cats. No more. I think it is more likely to be mechanized beings with AI that I will be surrounded with; strangling me with wiring instead of choking to death on feline fur.
10 Dec 2008
SOALD .... oh, please.......
With all the acronyms we are being awarded when unable to function in society as the infamous “THEY” think we should, such as ADD, ADHD, SAD and PTSD, I am laying claim to my own. I suffer from SOALD. It is closely related to the more common known SOHSD, but differs in the manifestation of symptoms.
To spare you from a frustrating search through the net (does anybody use reference books anymore?), I will unscramble the alphabet soup here.
SOHSD (Seasonally Occurring Holiday Stress Disorder) The marked increase in stress experienced by individuals in response to society's prescribed holidays. Most commonly observed in 1st world countries. Symptoms & Ancillary Causes: Excessive spending, often beyond means; marked decrease in patience with the normal time tasks require; increased guilt and/or competition to display wealth, status or other indications of perceived success and/or happiness. Other symptoms have been noted such as retail stampedes, increased thefts, insomnia due to decreased evening darkness (see outdoor lighting), obsessive list use, and inability to concentrate (see Christmas music recordings).
SOALD (Seasonally Occurring Alternative Lifestyle Disorder) The marked increase in stress experienced by individuals in response to society's prescribed holidays. Most commonly observed in ostensibly conservative communities. Symptoms & Ancillary Causes: Withdrawal from community activities and large crowds, especially those directly related to the seasonal holiday in question; increased guilt and/or denial of any desire to participate in traditional observances; increased emotional response to societal issues (warning – politics or religion may trigger uncharacteristic outbursts.); increase identification with societal outsiders (alternative religions, liberal activists, any group identified as “excluded” or “oppressed” because of their cultural attitudes.); increased intolerance with those whose actions are in conflict with their expressed beliefs, increased pedantic or oratorical discourses on cultural diversity.
Yes, people, I am one of you. One who struggles to overcome a perceived disorder that is in reality just a matter of my being a normal human being following our biologic mandate for uniqueness and individuality.
I just happen not to believe in the teachings of Christianity and despise having months of a religon-based celebration of materialism overwhelm my existence. The decorations are pretty, the reminders of the need for peace are laudable, but the price is too high! And the disconnected observance of how most Christians despoil their own holiday is even more revolting. I used be become the ranting pagan, liberal around mid-December. But the media mentioning Christmas as early as Labor Day and Thanksgiving just being a feed while waiting for the stores to open, my SOALD kicks in earlier and earlier every year.
(DISCLAIMER: This is not to say there are not true mental disorders that need treating, those people do exist and deserve help. But of those I have met who are deemed to be ADD, ADHD, and so forth, damned few have anything more than a problem with those around them being inflexible or intolerant.)
To spare you from a frustrating search through the net (does anybody use reference books anymore?), I will unscramble the alphabet soup here.
SOHSD (Seasonally Occurring Holiday Stress Disorder) The marked increase in stress experienced by individuals in response to society's prescribed holidays. Most commonly observed in 1st world countries. Symptoms & Ancillary Causes: Excessive spending, often beyond means; marked decrease in patience with the normal time tasks require; increased guilt and/or competition to display wealth, status or other indications of perceived success and/or happiness. Other symptoms have been noted such as retail stampedes, increased thefts, insomnia due to decreased evening darkness (see outdoor lighting), obsessive list use, and inability to concentrate (see Christmas music recordings).
SOALD (Seasonally Occurring Alternative Lifestyle Disorder) The marked increase in stress experienced by individuals in response to society's prescribed holidays. Most commonly observed in ostensibly conservative communities. Symptoms & Ancillary Causes: Withdrawal from community activities and large crowds, especially those directly related to the seasonal holiday in question; increased guilt and/or denial of any desire to participate in traditional observances; increased emotional response to societal issues (warning – politics or religion may trigger uncharacteristic outbursts.); increase identification with societal outsiders (alternative religions, liberal activists, any group identified as “excluded” or “oppressed” because of their cultural attitudes.); increased intolerance with those whose actions are in conflict with their expressed beliefs, increased pedantic or oratorical discourses on cultural diversity.
Yes, people, I am one of you. One who struggles to overcome a perceived disorder that is in reality just a matter of my being a normal human being following our biologic mandate for uniqueness and individuality.
I just happen not to believe in the teachings of Christianity and despise having months of a religon-based celebration of materialism overwhelm my existence. The decorations are pretty, the reminders of the need for peace are laudable, but the price is too high! And the disconnected observance of how most Christians despoil their own holiday is even more revolting. I used be become the ranting pagan, liberal around mid-December. But the media mentioning Christmas as early as Labor Day and Thanksgiving just being a feed while waiting for the stores to open, my SOALD kicks in earlier and earlier every year.
(DISCLAIMER: This is not to say there are not true mental disorders that need treating, those people do exist and deserve help. But of those I have met who are deemed to be ADD, ADHD, and so forth, damned few have anything more than a problem with those around them being inflexible or intolerant.)
24 Nov 2008
Eye Candy for Thanksgiving
As one who has never really enjoyed the quintessential American holiday, Thanksgiving, I was surprised to find myself inspired to blog about something related to its primary purpose; being thankful. Even more surprised when my thoughts about this societal inducement were not particularly negative.
Just for a little background, I was the kid who after helping prepare the family feast, ordered in pizza for her meal. Regaling guests with the traditional glut of turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole and such is well within my skill, but please don’t ask me to partake. I will not eat turkey, unless under duress, for a variety of reasons beginning with the processing plants and ending with the taste (or lack thereof). Other than as tempura or chips, I will avoid sweet potatoes at costs. Potatoes are for salt and pepper; marshmallows belong with chocolate. We won’t even discuss the endless versions of poultry stuffing, none of which I care to ever taste again. And to this that the meal would also include rites that I was not comfortable with, since unlike my family, I am not Christian.
So what could ever lead me to thoughts of gratefulness at this time of year?
The realization that, as I have matured, my judgment of a man’s looks has become more and more influenced by his personality. Unconsciously, I have been skewing my visual perception according to non-visual data. Being painfully analytical (especially of myself), I was stunned this weekend when I became aware of just how strong the non-visual influence is.
Yes, we all base our attraction to others on the combination of looks and personality, and I have been clear on that since at least puberty, if not before. But I am referring to how I have actually begun seeing someone’s features differently, depending on their attitude and behavior.
Case in point. A month or two ago I was introduced to some guys by a friend of mine while we were out clubbing. First impression was that both were nice looking, but a short while later I was so unimpressed that I would not have recognized them later. Nothing remarkable, apparently. Then one of them joined us at dinner the other night. As the evening progressed I saw more of his personality come through during his interactions with those around me. By the time I left, I was wanting to spend more time just gazing at what had become (to me) a beautiful face. He was now physically handsome to me. But to clarify, my only interest remains a visual one. This was not a more classic, full scale, hormone induced attraction. I have indeed experience that sort of changes in perception of someone’s looks before. Who hasn’t?! This was just a new-found appreciation for his features.
So the source of my new sense of thankfulness is that this quirk in my brain is multiplying the available eye candy surrounding me. This makes a visually oriented person quite happy. It seems there are few places I go these days where I do not see people who make people watching a delightful experience for me, instead of merely an interesting distraction.
Many would say that I am being superficial and perhaps even crass, but I am acknowledging and accepting that there is a significant part of me that is visually oriented. Like someone who appreciates touring a museum to see fine art, it provides me with joy on a regular basis.
For this, I am very thankful.
Just for a little background, I was the kid who after helping prepare the family feast, ordered in pizza for her meal. Regaling guests with the traditional glut of turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole and such is well within my skill, but please don’t ask me to partake. I will not eat turkey, unless under duress, for a variety of reasons beginning with the processing plants and ending with the taste (or lack thereof). Other than as tempura or chips, I will avoid sweet potatoes at costs. Potatoes are for salt and pepper; marshmallows belong with chocolate. We won’t even discuss the endless versions of poultry stuffing, none of which I care to ever taste again. And to this that the meal would also include rites that I was not comfortable with, since unlike my family, I am not Christian.
So what could ever lead me to thoughts of gratefulness at this time of year?
The realization that, as I have matured, my judgment of a man’s looks has become more and more influenced by his personality. Unconsciously, I have been skewing my visual perception according to non-visual data. Being painfully analytical (especially of myself), I was stunned this weekend when I became aware of just how strong the non-visual influence is.
Yes, we all base our attraction to others on the combination of looks and personality, and I have been clear on that since at least puberty, if not before. But I am referring to how I have actually begun seeing someone’s features differently, depending on their attitude and behavior.
Case in point. A month or two ago I was introduced to some guys by a friend of mine while we were out clubbing. First impression was that both were nice looking, but a short while later I was so unimpressed that I would not have recognized them later. Nothing remarkable, apparently. Then one of them joined us at dinner the other night. As the evening progressed I saw more of his personality come through during his interactions with those around me. By the time I left, I was wanting to spend more time just gazing at what had become (to me) a beautiful face. He was now physically handsome to me. But to clarify, my only interest remains a visual one. This was not a more classic, full scale, hormone induced attraction. I have indeed experience that sort of changes in perception of someone’s looks before. Who hasn’t?! This was just a new-found appreciation for his features.
So the source of my new sense of thankfulness is that this quirk in my brain is multiplying the available eye candy surrounding me. This makes a visually oriented person quite happy. It seems there are few places I go these days where I do not see people who make people watching a delightful experience for me, instead of merely an interesting distraction.
Many would say that I am being superficial and perhaps even crass, but I am acknowledging and accepting that there is a significant part of me that is visually oriented. Like someone who appreciates touring a museum to see fine art, it provides me with joy on a regular basis.
For this, I am very thankful.
31 Oct 2008
I have believed in Karma ever since I can remember. I think it began as an extension of early science lessons on cause and effect in nature, but whatever its source, the belief is solid and will always be a part of me.
Over the years this belief has restrained my sadistic desires when faced with various evil doers whom I would otherwise have exacted personal revenge upon. It is this consolation of knowing that those who harm me (and those who merely try), will meet their own justice in due time without my assistance that helps wounds heal. And it has been the threat of encountering that same justice that kept me from straying too far myself.
Looking back on the past month or two has cause me to ponder the question of just what karmic debt am I paying back?!?!?! I must have really done something awful to someone that I don't realize or recall, or maybe something small, but repeatedly. One serious problem after another blasted me out of any feeling of security in this life and tested my composure and resourcefulness in the extreme. Someone or some force in the universe was sending me a message and made sure it got through to me in no uncertain terms that I needed to shape up a few things in my life NOW, not when I felt like "getting around to it".
Fortunately, I have apparently banked a bit of good karma along the way, because I survived the traumas and actually feel at this point that I have come out better than before it all started avalanching on me. I discovered that I have abilities I thought were fading and friends that were closer than I realized.
So why am I blogging about this? To acknowledge to whomever/whatever - I GOT YOUR MESSAGE!!! To publicly thank those who assisted me when their help was critical. And to perhaps jog your thoughts into considering the what sort of karma you are accruing these days.
Over the years this belief has restrained my sadistic desires when faced with various evil doers whom I would otherwise have exacted personal revenge upon. It is this consolation of knowing that those who harm me (and those who merely try), will meet their own justice in due time without my assistance that helps wounds heal. And it has been the threat of encountering that same justice that kept me from straying too far myself.
Looking back on the past month or two has cause me to ponder the question of just what karmic debt am I paying back?!?!?! I must have really done something awful to someone that I don't realize or recall, or maybe something small, but repeatedly. One serious problem after another blasted me out of any feeling of security in this life and tested my composure and resourcefulness in the extreme. Someone or some force in the universe was sending me a message and made sure it got through to me in no uncertain terms that I needed to shape up a few things in my life NOW, not when I felt like "getting around to it".
Fortunately, I have apparently banked a bit of good karma along the way, because I survived the traumas and actually feel at this point that I have come out better than before it all started avalanching on me. I discovered that I have abilities I thought were fading and friends that were closer than I realized.
So why am I blogging about this? To acknowledge to whomever/whatever - I GOT YOUR MESSAGE!!! To publicly thank those who assisted me when their help was critical. And to perhaps jog your thoughts into considering the what sort of karma you are accruing these days.
26 Aug 2008
Repairme (formerly known as August)
Why didn't someone give me fair warning that the 8th month of the calendar year had been renamed and designated for tithing repairmen?! Not that I would have saved much in anticipation, but at least I would have had a chance to prepare my finances or at least my mindset.
During Repairme I learned that squealing brakes on foreign cars do not necessarily mean a need for repair, but it does mean paying homage to a mechanic to decide whether you will tithe 25% to 75% of your monthly income to him. I suppose getting out for 50% and to know I was not truly risking collision from an inability to stop my vehicle should leave me feeling gratefully blessed. If you believe that, I have a few other evil concepts you should be introduced to for your entertainment and edification.
Speaking of introductions to concepts, I have also been reintroduced to the true etymology of the term "technology"..... more correctly written for those of us with computer equipment either under the age of 6 months or over the ripe old age of 2 years as "techNOlogy". Yes, its technical - No, it doesn't work. As I allowed my aged desktop to limp along until the wallet recovered from the mechanic tithing, I relied on a laptop allowed to hibernate since my days as a traveling bitch with a calculator (aka auditor). I was unaware that it too was running on life support until last week. The funeral for it's HD and perhaps its memory too, is in the planning stages as I sit waiting on the prognosis from the surgeons in the techNOlogy ICU.
OMG, there are still how many days left before September?!?!?!
During Repairme I learned that squealing brakes on foreign cars do not necessarily mean a need for repair, but it does mean paying homage to a mechanic to decide whether you will tithe 25% to 75% of your monthly income to him. I suppose getting out for 50% and to know I was not truly risking collision from an inability to stop my vehicle should leave me feeling gratefully blessed. If you believe that, I have a few other evil concepts you should be introduced to for your entertainment and edification.
Speaking of introductions to concepts, I have also been reintroduced to the true etymology of the term "technology"..... more correctly written for those of us with computer equipment either under the age of 6 months or over the ripe old age of 2 years as "techNOlogy". Yes, its technical - No, it doesn't work. As I allowed my aged desktop to limp along until the wallet recovered from the mechanic tithing, I relied on a laptop allowed to hibernate since my days as a traveling bitch with a calculator (aka auditor). I was unaware that it too was running on life support until last week. The funeral for it's HD and perhaps its memory too, is in the planning stages as I sit waiting on the prognosis from the surgeons in the techNOlogy ICU.
OMG, there are still how many days left before September?!?!?!
7 May 2008
EL KREW de PESCADOS CRUDOS
If you didn't end up coming here from either Yelp.com or JapanForum. com then perhaps you aren't aware that I am a foodie. I don't watch cooking shows often, but I do check out restaurants, chefs and cook books. I only cook when inspired and rarely follow a recipe precisely after the first time I used it.
These days this is the crew I tend to gather for excursions in search of my two favorite cuisines - Asian (mostly japanese & korean lately) and Tex-Mex.
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